Tonight, I revised much of my paper. The images capture the major changes I made to the body of the essay. I moved a lot of ideas from paragraph to paragraph, wrote new things, and deleted sentences. The green parts and comments on the side of the paper detail the changes that I made. I think the the Little Seagull book helped a little bit, but simply seeing the essay with new eyes and relooking the suggestions from my peers helped much more. The main thing I focused on from the book was when it talked about having paragraph types. I made it so my paragraphs were defining and descriptive with a bit of comparing and contrasting in them. There were a few times that I realized that my sentences made sense in the essay, but were unneeded because they did not add to the essay. I got this from the “Sticking to the main point” part of the book. I think the different example paragraphs in the book helped me because I could compare my writing to other writing types. I did, however, make a lot more changes then I expected to. If you were to ask me the day I wrote this if I would change it much, I would tell you know because I thought it was good as it was. Seeing it now, post revision number one, I am very glad that my first draft did not end up being my final draft as they usually do. I am excited to see what a little more time and effort does to my essay!
Woohoo! I love to read this! When you write that you are seeing the essay “with new eyes,” you nail the whole point of RE-VISION! I am so excited for you to stick with your writing so that you can see how far you can take it.